If there were an end-of-life questionnaire – and there might be! – here is how I would answer two questions:

Do you wish you were smarter? No. Intelligence did not make me happy. Getting older I have lost some and then some more, and have won eons of easygoing delight because of that. I always used to tell my therapists that I would give up a ton of IQ points for a little mental relief. That happened. Yay.

Do you wish you were kinder? Yes and No. I once told my late & beloved friend Kat Kosiancic that I hated hearing people say that they would have changed nothing in their lives if they had had the chance. Ugh! “There is never a good reason to be unkind,” I said. I quoted Henry James: “Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” My friend Kat was very kind and plain in her response: “Being unkind taught you about kindness in a way that you never could have learned about otherwise.”